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# Ha, ha, ha! Awk!
# Process arguments
BEGIN {
# If no arguments, assume a dictionary file
if (ARGC == 1) {
ARGC = 2
if ("DICT" in ENVIRON)
ARGV[1] = ENVIRON["DICT"]
else
ARGV[1] = "/usr/share/dict/words"
}
# Seed the random number generator
"rnds 2>/dev/null" | getline seed
srand(seed)
}
# Iterate over the lines, randomly assigning the first field of each one with a
# decreasing probability; this method
$1 ~ /[[:alpha:]]/ && rand() * ++n < 1 { wr = $1 }
# Ha, ha, ha! Incompetent!
END {
# Check that we processed at least one line
if (!NR)
exit 1
# Strip trailing possessives and punctuation
sub(/[^[:alpha:]]+s*$/, "", wr)
# Two or three "has"? Important decisions here folks
hr = int(rand()*2+1)
for (ha = "Ha"; hi < hr; hi++)
ha = ha ", ha"
# Capitalise the word
wr = toupper(substr(wr,1,1)) substr(wr,2)
# Return the laughter and the word
printf "%s! %s!\n", ha, wr
}
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