1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
|
# Ha, ha, ha! Awk!
# Process arguments
BEGIN {
# Look for options; keep a count of non-option args
ac = ARGC
for (i = 1; i <= ARGC; i++) {
# Show a pic of Phil
if (ARGV[i] == "--phil") {
pic = 1
ARGV[i] = ""
ac--
}
# End-of-options
if (ARGV[i] == "--") {
break
ARGV[i] = ""
ac--
}
}
# If no arguments left, assume a dictionary file
if (ac == 1) {
ARGC = 2
if ("DICT" in ENVIRON)
ARGV[1] = ENVIRON["DICT"]
else
ARGV[1] = "/usr/share/dict/words"
}
# Seed the random number generator
"rnds 2>/dev/null" | getline seed
if (length(seed))
srand(seed)
else
srand()
}
# Iterate over the lines, randomly assigning the first field of each one with a
# decreasing probability; this method
$1 ~ /[[:alpha:]]/ && rand() * ++n < 1 { wr = $1 }
# Ha, ha, ha! Incompetent!
END {
# Check that we processed at least one line
if (!NR)
exit 1
# Strip trailing possessives and punctuation
sub(/[^[:alpha:]]+s*$/, "", wr)
# Two or three "ha"s? Important decisions here folks
hr = int(rand()*2+1)
for (ha = "Ha"; hi < hr; hi++)
ha = ha ", ha"
# Capitalise the word
wr = toupper(substr(wr,1,1)) substr(wr,2)
# Return the laughter and the word
if (pic)
dopic(ha, wr)
else
printf "%s! %s!\n", ha, wr
}
# Ha, ha! Low-res!
function dopic(ha, wr) {
print ""
print " " ha "! " wr "!"
print " \\"
print " .''''''''''''''''''''''.."
print " .'''''''''''''''''''''''''''"
print " .'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''"
print " ,'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''"
print " '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''':"
print " ,'''''''''''##`'''''''''''''''.'''`"
print " ;''''''''.###########,'''''',###'''"
print " ;'''''';#################:'#####.''"
print " `:''''''#########################'."
print " ::` ,'+########################';"
print " ''''''': .#####################''"
print " ''''''''.####` `;#############;##'"
print " ;''''''',####,###: +############."
print " ,###''''''#############` ;##:#######"
print " ,#:##''';+#####+ :###### +##+ +"
print " ,'#;#,''#####',+###` ;####`+ "
print " ,#'#,#';############++. ,`## "
print " :#####+:#######,@,``@@,#####' "
print " ;#+#+#############++++##.#+## +"
print " ###+################'####'## "
print " #######+###################.# :."
print " ######'########################'"
print " ,+#####;#######################"
print " ,#######;############'####+###:"
print " ,#######################+#####'"
print " ,###############' ` #'# +'#"
print " #,##.###########'##+##'###'####"
print " ``@.############## `+#@@@@@######"
print " +```@@################ ,,. . ####."
print " ;````@@,##.##############':..:######"
print " ;`````@@@########.##################"
print " +````````@@@@#####;####################:"
print " +`````.`````@@@@######`###################```+"
print " +````````,`````'@@@@@##'#####################`````."
print "+ ``````````.``````@@@@@@##'###'################```````` +"
print "```````````````````@@@@@@@'#####;##########,##'`````````````.+"
print "```````````````````@@@@@@@@@+#####':####+:+'````````````````````,"
print "```````````````````,@@@@@@@@@#:#########'@@@``````````````````````"
print "```````````.````````@@@@@@@@@@@@#'#####@@@@@```````````````````````"
print "```````````.````````@@@@@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@.``````````````````````"
}
|
