HI MATE, BRETT HERE.
This is where you come to read about my doings, obiously. You can llearn how much money I made, and if I am going to be near your area to help you out. Probably not, so don't get your hopes too high, sorry.
-=UPDATE=-
this is a HELLO!
Hi, Brett here. I'm sorry you couldnt see me for a bit, I was on holiday and then I had concussion.
Where did we holiday? QUEENSLAND! Its really hot, and I sweated into my hair a lot that I didnt like. What is concussion, well its' like being knocked-out. How did I get concussion? I DONT KNOW I WAS KNOCKED-OUT, you dipstick. But good question actually.
I have asked dad how I did a concussion. He says that hes not going to tell me in case I "try it again". That is a little rude of him, and I tell him this- he mails me a frown. I will ask my mum later. I suppose you have been STUCK for things to THINK without me to give you a help. Sorry mate.
I will give you a handfull of tips about how things work and how you can make things that you want to happen begin to happen instead of never happen which is how it is for you right now. what you need to do, it is to "THINK THINGS THROUH!" This means that you STOp mucking about for a sec, and think things through. This is how its been taught to me and its good advice, it really works if you can make an effort.
When you want a sanddwich, what do you do? do you look sad and hungry and walk around in front of peolple to hope that they will realise that you need a sanger? NO because most other people dont know how to think things through and they wont understand that this is what you need. They will tell you to go away. BAD ENDING
When you want a sanger, you should think? "Am i near a kitchen" "will any one stop me from making a sanger there" "What will I put in my sanger?" Then you THINK THINGS THROUGH and imagine yourself (in your head, DO THIS IN YOUR HEAD FIRST before you do it for real) making the sandwitch. Can you IMAGEINE anything going wrong with this? If YES- like Someone being in the kitchen stopping you, you then THINK THINGS TRHOUGH again! But don't worry, in this case what you do is flush newpapers down the toilet untill it does give up, and then you tell the Person in the kitchen the toilet is going backwards and while they run to fix the toilet you can make your sandwich. ALL THIS, AND YOU HAVENT EVEN DONE IT YET! YOU THOUGHT IT THOUGH!
OK, the second step is to do it for real, using your hands and legs and mouth, good luck.
Bye,
From Brett.
-=UPDATE=- This is what hapened
This is four days later,
Hi, but this is a bit sad dont be too happy to hear this
Hello, I need to tell you about what happened after I started making my advertising for my services. I am making print outs of my ad a hundred times or more when the printer stops making ads, and says BRP BRP and the paper doesnt come out! this is not good becuase it is only printed 14 ads so far, mate.
I look at my computer screen and it tells me that there is a ""PRINTER JAM!"" Well, that's OK I say because I know what to do because when I get my hands JAMMED in things, (or have things stuck on my fingers) my dad always knows the right thing for the job and that is greased-up OIL from the kitchen. You put this oil (from the bottle) over whats stuck, and move the stuck things around really hard and then the bracelet comes off your arm, or the ring comes off your finger but a bit of blood will pop out sometimes, its true.
OK so the printer needs smoothful greases of oil, its plain to see. My MUM isnot in the kitchen so I go to get some oils. its easy to tell oil becuase it is yellow and it is in a bottle, I get some oil that is nearby. I look at it, it is CANOLA OIL. to be careful and to make sure I read all of the label, even the littlest writing
THE LITTLE WRITING SAYS IT IS RAPE SEED OIL!
This is bad- in law and order, the law show, when a person rapes a crying woman the jury all say "we find the defendent GUILTY" and the judge does look serioues. So I pour this bad oil down the toilet because my dad doesnt need to go to jail. ( I SAVE HIM)
After this, there is more oil, but this is OK it is OLIVE OIL in a glass jar. I read all the writing and it says it is made from OLIVES and you cook up italian foods with it. I take it and give the jamed printer a good pour to smooth things up. The printer says 'thanks', and makes a smell like EGGS IN THE MORNING. 'this is a thumbs up' I say
But then the printer starts to smell BAD and starts printing out FLAMES AND PIECES OF FIRE! I YELL AND SMACK THE PRINTER OFF THE DESK B?UT I TKEEPS PRINITNG OUT FIRE! MY DAD RUNS IN AND HES ROPEABLE HE THROWS SOME LEMONADE OVER THE PRINTER BUT IT DOES HISSSS SO HE GRABS THE PRINTER AND THROWS IT OUT THE WINDOW. Then later on he goes out side and sprays it with the hose for a long time.
Printers are on the list now, but I can use the computer again! When you see my ad, print it out and mail it to me.
Thank you
BRETT GRAHAM
-=UPDATE-= Put down your sanger mate, its time to go to buisness school
Hello, Brett here. hello.
I think you don't know very much about how to make money using the internet and colours + ideas = ive made at least two hundred dollars, mostly from my dad (repeat customer- he says I'm best kept busy and so thats how good I am OK you should take note). How much have you made? "None" thats right so stop whistling songs while I try to teach you .
Now my dad wont hire me for any more money right now because I need to pay him back for some things I did break, this means I have to GET MORE CUSTOMERS THEN! NOT GIVE UP! INstead of crying like you I have made an AD. this is a picture you show people and they say OK then, heres fiftey dollars. I'd like a web page. OK thanks.
Here is my AD I have just made it.
Who makes A GOOD WEB PAGE, SPECIAL FOR YOU, EVERYDAY???
BRETT GRAHAM! I DO!
I made this ad with the help of my friend Google. Now you do hire me, when you see this AD. Maybe I will put a picture of some money in my ad to give oyu the basic idea.
Dear Google,
Thank you you did a good job with me this time.
Sincerely, From Brett.
I am going to make a printout of my ad, and I will put them in shop windows and slip them into pants pockets on clothes lines and drop then into cars and leave them in the lunch boxes of people at my school and put them in trees at the park with staples! I will need a lot so I'm going to printout one hundred times.
-=UPDATE-= SCARY FOR YOU, TODAY!
And now the HALLOWEEN mood is in the blood, I will tell the story for free.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK UNDER THE BED!"
This is a scary tale you should go and enjoy the toilet right now beforehand because this story will scare you untill you wee in the fridge.
Hello. Roger was a traveling sales man, he liked to put clocks and dictionarys in his suitcase and drive around the country and sell them to people at their door, he is a regular salesman. He makes a good living and keeps two doges in his house in the city. They are medium size dogs and they are polite. Well one night Roger is driving thorugh a country road in queensland, late at night. It is all dark except for headlights and the last Town he was in was many miles back and long ago, at least seven hours. He yawns and PUTS HIS CIGARETE out on his hand to keep himself awake. AHH he says, I WILL STOP AND SLEEP IN THE CAR.
Then he can see a large wood building shining up in the distance! It has a big paint sign that reads "PLEASENT HOTEL"
"CHEAP TO PAY AND VERY NICE STAYS"
"Horray," says Roger- "I will sleep there"
- - -
DING DING goes the hotel desk bell when it is rung, in the empty FOYER of the hotel. It is dusty and there are emtpy chairs all over. Roger rings the bell some more DING DING.
"Hello", says a man from underneath the sink (there's a sink in the corner of the room for you to wash your hands if you want). "I am fixing the sink. wait a minute OK."
Then an old man WITH WILD EYES comes up from the sink and stands behind the desk facing Roger.
"I Would like a room for this night" Roger DEMANDS
"I SEE..." The old man says in a reluctanct voice. We only have one room left it is ROOM 13.
Roger is doubtful: "But I cant see anyone else here" he says
I am not an eye doctor the hotel man says I AM HERE TO GIVE YOU ROOMS
"It's a done deal mate" Roger says, "HEre is one hundred dollars for my room. Thanks for the key is there anytthing else I need to know?"
YES! Says the old man seruiously: dont look under the bed
Rodger is a bit scared but he pretends that he doenst care- "alright mate its probably really dusty. OK BYE".
The old man watches at Roger as roger goes up the stairs to his room.
- - -
Roger is in his room, it is nice he enjoys the toilets and drinks some brown wine and eats a pie that he keeps in his suitcase for his dinner. He is a happy man, he takes a bath and sets his alarm clock and goes to bed. He has a big window that he can see the highway from his bed.
YAAAWN this is a nice bed=time to sleep, Roger says as he sets his alarm clock for 7:00 in the morning. He has to Be Up Early to get to Sydney so he can sell some elecrtic toothbruthes to executrives.
As Rogert is a sleep almost he remembers what the hotel man said, (about looking under bed) "Well I dont care what is under this bed" he thinks, "I only want to sleep on top of it." he says, sensibly.
- - -
Ten minutes later Roger can hear a RUMBLING SIGHS from beneath his bed!
"Ahhhhh" he thinks. What is this?!
He remembers his warning and stays all FROZEN in his bed. The rumblening gets even ruder and louder and makes his bed shake a bit.
"Well this is the LIMIT my dad says, "I'm going to have a look under this bed and see the noise"
ROger bends off the bed and SEES under the bed. There is a cat under the bed! breathing in and out with purring.
"phew! its just a cat purrring", Roger says. The Cat slowly turns its head to look at him and it says "I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK UNDER THE BED!"
THEN IT STARTS TO COUGH it coughs and coughs and blood and broken glass is coughing up out of its mouth. The cat vomits up it all over and then it vomits up en though the Cat is vomiting out, it grows BIGGER and BIGGER the moGRAY BRAINS FROM A HUMAN AND AN APRICOT
BUT evre it SPITS out glass and blood, and it gets to grow as big as a HORSE and it does tip over the bed from its size. Roger sCREAMS as he is tipped into the Cats mouth from the tilted bed! The Cat eats him from the inside!
- - -
- -
Then ROGER WAKES UP!!!
- --
He wakes up and he is in his hotel room bed. It is still night time though. "It was all a dream" Roger says. and he tries to pat his SWEATY BROW, but he cant? He's hands are tied to his chest!
He looks around and he sees the old hotel manager is in his bed LICKING HIS FEET!
AND ROGER SCREEAAAMS! BEACAUSE THIS IS REAL HE HAS WOKEN UP!
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK UNDER THE BED!" the old hotelman does yell...
The end, this this the end of the story. if you got too scared then maybe you should try and toughin up. I will tell you how later.
from Brett Graham
bye
-=UPDATE-= Hello
Hello
Today I am a bit busy and now I'm a bit bored
I am in the lounge before watching the TV, There is only bad shows on the TV though, so I wonder what it is like to have the TELEVISION pointed down (into the carpet) -the front bit with the screen will be pointed into the carpet, mate. I DO THIS! I get the BIG TV (My dad is rich) and I put it on the carpet in this way so its pointing down! its really heavy but no drops today tahnkfully
It looks like a big wooden boxe! You can't see whats happening, and the people sound like theyve had socks for dinner! While I'm having fun with this my dad comes in and hes A BIT ROPEABLE! but he is happy once he sees 'no damage done' thankfully. He says to me 'your DISENFRANCHISED BRETT!!!! and the TV goes onto the list of the things I am not allowed to touch on the fridge. Its OK though I can use the REMOTE CONTROLLER to change the TV to show the shows that are good, so no harm done as long as mum or someone will turn it on in the first place naturally.
I also can touch still the VCR - (video player machine) so tahts a bonus because I will watch the real ghostbusters.
I turn the VCR to point UP so that the video will pup up out the top like a spicy piece of toast when I push eject, but instead it makes GRIND GRIND GRIND GRINDDD sound "GDDRRRRRR". It is on the list now too.
Sinecerly,
Brett
-=UPDATE-= this is what happened tonight, I did my research
this is a news report from the kitchen and my research and Im sorry
Yes, it is my turn to do the dishes tonight I KNOW DAD so I put the dishwasher on, but instead of cleaning them it BAKED the grease and chicken onto the plates because I forgot to put the DISHPILL into the washer! I FORGOT! STOP YELLING AT ME!
AND THE DOGES ARE SO HARD TO MAKE WORK IM CRYING GO AWAY GO AWAY
-=UPDATE-= Special for you, every day
This is special for you
HI Mate, HOW ARE YOU? You look like you lost a
few kilos! OH WAIT, now I see them, they're strapped to your GUT!
Sorry to
joke you but were friends its alright.
Today is a special day for us all,
absolutery. This is because its a MAGIcal music time update, with me providing
the entertainment for us all. Dont go to rock the barbershop though,
because this is happening out of your computer, dont even get up mate, sit back
and reliax.
I have heard a great good song thats fun, GOOGLE gave it to me
to APOLOGISE. It was being a bit rude to me when I was SEARCHING ITS STUFF for
things, it was giving me rude YOU SPELLED IT WRONGO SPELL IT LIKE THAT MATE
messages, what rudeness a man in the street wouldnt talk to me like that. SO I
TELL google "I HATE YOU!!"! and it realises its sorry and gave me a song. This
is a song about HATING PEOPLE WITH BIG FEET, something we can all get behind and
push.
- - - songtime test
whats sthe matter trtiwh you boy
MY FEETS TOO
BIG!
bab yayo ybnaba babo baoabo bnoa bnaom lela\
NO MEET ON MY BNONES
ANO SUN UP AATOP
OH MAN MEY FEETS TOO BIG!
- - - Thats a free
sampler
I wrote it out from listening to the song its
hard to keep up though. Brett's hint- dont sing so fast.
When
IM WALKIN IN THE STREET, when I see someone with big feets (larger than two
banansa), I sing the song to them for their entertainment, but its hard to
remember all the words in the song, so I just sing "I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU
HATE YOU BOW BOWB BOW."
This song has it all, a man talking and a man singing, some music and someone singing.
Here's the soung, "On the house" but dont get used
to it ok...
BUT IF YOUR A PLOICEMAN OR a POLICEWOMAN please shut down your
speakers for your computer and go into the next room for five or seven minuts
and also shut the door. (This is becuase google gave me the song just for me,
and if you listen to it and a policeman tells google, google will be a bit cut).
Gogole, your OK but you are a FLIGHTY FRIEND.
AS IN EVERYDAY LIFE, YOU HAVE TO CLICK TO MAKE THE MUSIC
PLUS Doges solution does not want to work I am going to ask my couisn, hes the sharpest knive in the drawer, he helped me make a PICTURE and a RESUME and he tought me how to use the bathroom with no mess.
(I used to make too much mess, every time, but not any more, so lets not DWELL on it, "the past is a strange fruit, its probably not good to eat"
BYE
-=UPDATE-=OBIN WILLIAMSI HATE ROBIN WILLIAMSI HATE ROBIN WILLIAMS
I HATE ROBIN WILLIAMS
A News report you can set your watch by, By Brett GRAHAM
I HATE ROBIN WILLIAMS. HE is an man actor ,
that means you see him a bit here and there in movies but he's different every
time and what makes it more confusing is that he goes nutso really fast all the
time with different voices. HES AN IDIOT, he talks so fast I cant tell what hes
saying, and he moves around too quick it scares me a bit, his face is really red
too like a PLUMP TOMAETO.
I ask my dad tonight why Robing WILLIAMs is so awful and my dad said that it is becauseu he is usually COKED UP. I am not sure I know that what it this means, so I say "WHATS COKED UP DAD? IS IT A BAD THING"
My dad said that it is when robin
williams sucks Coke up his nose and goes "MMMMM" then
acts like a COMPLETE DICKHEAD for two and a half hours, usually on recordced on
film. When he is not COKED UP he is also a dickhead anyway my dad sayd. My dad
does not like him any more than I do. I SUSPECT that dads infomation means that
the only time when Robin WILLIAMS is not being a dickhead is when he is asleep
but even then is probly farts every five minuts and makes the room smell AWFUL.
"POOH" people say when a room smells bad, "HAS ROBIN WILLIAMS BEEN ASLEEP IN
HERE". I tell my dad this and he nods yes, probably thats right.
Its great
good when my dad and me AGREE on something for real, its like two GIANTS BELLS
dancing ringing in to the light.
Well, I have a half empty COKE BOTTLE in the fridge, so I decided to get COKED UP and see what it was all about. I pour the bottle to my nose and tilt it up and SMELL IT VERY HARD. It sucks the coke into my nose, its true. "MMMMM" I try to say, but the bubbles hurt my nose so bad I go AHH instead and coke leaks out of my mouth, eyes, nose, etc. HORROBLE! RObin williams is an idiot, my nose started bleedeing so I told my dad what I did.
"NEVER DO ANYTHING without checking me first brett." my dad sais, very disapproving..I think he is dispapointed that I tried to get COKED UP like robin williams, robin williams you are the worst.
HERES AN ILLUSTRATIO N OF THE AVERAGE DAY FOR ROBIN WILILAIMS. (BELOW DOWN I MADE IT)
I am still trying to make the dogs work keep your pants on
=UPDATE, DOGS DOGS NO WORRIES-=
Yes this is a busy tiime for me. I am working on making a machine that will let you use the internet to let me tell you the answer to your questions you send me about your dogs, or other dogs near your space. I KNOW pretty much about everything about doges, becuase of my fruit mistakes and book learnings. Dont rest a minute mate click here and find out if I have figured it out yet. (Here is a sampled question from myself: "Does a dog like to have its feet tapped" : NO "Does a doge like to eat olive pips" YES! "Does a doge wrong to eat grapes" : YES ACCORGDING TO THE BOOK S I READ!
=UPDATE, to help you through your TROUBLES-=
HEllo Mate!! Brett Graham here, invading your personal face as usual. No, don't worry mate thats just a saying. Today I am here to help you with your problems becuase we all know some of you arenot very good.
Yes well heres THE SECRET TO SUCCESS -=-It is to BE EFFICENT AND ALWAYS fINISH WHAT YOU START, YOU IDIOT. My dad taught me this lesson because I like SANDWITHCES! I make many a dozen sandwichtes, everyday. I cut them into halves becuase this sneaky move gives me a double sandwicht instead of just one. (there are two pieaces of sandwich now).
But sometimes I get busy with something else before I have time to eat all of my sandwith. Like (A cat the television, making a lot of newspaper men with sissors, lots of other things too.) So bits and parts of my FOODSTUFF get put in places everywhere, its true. Then when me dad OR THE VCR REPAIRMAN find a secret sandwich around the place they get a BIT WOUND UP. "THATS WHY THE VIDEO NOT PLAY!" THey yell "I trip on the one in the toilet!!!' My dad sits me down for a serouse talk. 'Irght bretto, he says "I dont care if you are go into my clothes cupborerd, you can go in tehere if you want.but don't ever take food in there thats not on. "Food is eaten in the kitcken or outside remember this. ALSO - - """"The Secret Of Success Is To ALways finish Waht You Start So Eat All Of Your SAndwich at Once Brett, And Dont Ever Hide Them ABout The House ANYMORE!"""" - - - These are true wisdoms, so you read and understand it well, thats what its all about. BYE
-=UPDATE from the land-=
Hello again there my royal leaders,
I have not been upadeting much! I have been hearing you say. "wheres brett graham?" "I havent seen him is he behind that window crouched down?" Well I was that time, but usually I am working on my DREAM JOB. my dad got me big work to desgin a CORPORATE WEB SIGHT for a companyin Japane that make snacks with a hole in them. I am the 'conceptual co-ordinator' ($50) my dad says which means other people in India will do what I tell them and Im not allowed to touch the printer machine. Its a fine little to-do, and 'IVE FINISHED ALLREADY BECASUE IM A GOOD WORKER, not like you you probably drink all the coffe in the hotpot and use the bathroom non-stop. My dad says people can get out of lots of work if theyre trticky, oh well when I learn the tricks ill put them in a tv show in black and white and I'll say WHY ARE YOU GOING TO THE TOILEt AGAIN? and they'll be ON THE SPOT.
But the point is that you can GO TO MY SITe that I made for candymakers in Japane and learn about how I work and vote for your favorite cCASUAL CANDY CONFECTION. I didn't draw the pictures like I said mate, and I didnt' take the photographs, but they're pretty OK for someone elses work. theres a cartoon about a factory I didnt like but they insidsted. MY dad said I had to come with him to work and help on this project becasue I make mum cry too much when she is HOME ALONE with me espcially when I am trying to do the splits and hit my head on sewing machines. OK MUM IM ALRIGHT.
I HELPED "collaBRETTate"! on this project becuase my dad siad "THIS ACCOUNT IS NOT IMPOREANT! IT IS A JOKE!! NOIBODY CARES ABOUT THIS!" He is wearing a suit and has a briefcase, he is a important man, he has a drink from his VODKA bottle in his desk draw and tells me to get back to work.
OK HERE IT IS A GAIN (I CALL IT, MY YOAKIN YUMMY CANDY SITE_)
=-UPDATE stop emailing me to be rude to my dad, he is an importent person-=
My dad is a systems analynist. He is bascially a science doctor, but instead of people to make better, he is in charge of making the computers all work like they should and never not do what they sholdnt, its pretty complicated I know, I can't rememeber all the nonesence he jabbers at me about his job. I ask him, "IS IT A FUN JOB DAD!" and he loosens his tie and drinks a water colour VODKA drink and says its borings and stressfull like watching me eat a baked pototoe with a knive and fork. WELL YOU SHOULD GET MUM TO CUT IT UP FOR ME DAD.
=-UPDATE with my dad, too-=This is seven days ago I think, Last friday anyway
Well, me and my dad were watching the Music Videos in televsion tonight, and there were lots of tapes that were GREAT. one came on by FATSLOYBIM, who made a music video called "LETHAL MEAPON 3 WEAPON OF CHOICE" I think, I cant remember it was late. I liked it a lot and my dad liked it much too, he said it had CHRISTOFER WALKEN in it, doing a dance, here I made a copy of it so you can watch it too if you dont have a tv., ok here it is.
Now youve watched it, when the pollice ring you up on the telephone tell them you don;t know me. I don't want to get in trouple with the police about COPYRIGHT INFRANGEMENT. OK,
While we watched it my dad told me things about it and drank a couple of brown SCOTCHES. He says that CHRISTOPHER WALKEN is a good actor and people listen to his opinions. He said that the music video is actually footage taken from security cameras in a hotel and not made by a dance directer. He said that at the start, when CHRISPTOER WALKEN heasrs the song and likes it, and starts doing good dances, there are about seven other security camera recordings where he doesn't like the song and destroys the hotel by spinning about into things and smashing bits and peices all night. My dad drank some scotch from his glass and said that CHRIsptoepr Walkin is a stern character and that if I ever met him I shold not try any of my nonesence because he would NOT STAND FOR IT.
I hope I never meet CHRISTOFER WALKEN.
=-SPECIAL MENU UPDATE!-=This week
Hi mates! SPECIAL MENU UPADATE FOR YOU! HEre is my menu if I had a restuarernt (a bit of WHIMSY, my dad says)::
=- =- ENTERTREEE - = - = -
THE ENTEREE IS FISH!
=- =-= - STARETER! = - - =`= - =
GARLIC BREAD OF COURSE!
=- =- = - MAINS -= -= - =- = -=
MEAT!
It is a steak or some mutton (from sheeps because UNUSUAL=SPECIAL for you)
with vegetables of fruit, naturally in butter
=- =- =- DESSERT - = - =- =- =-
SOME LEMON PIE OR A STRUDELL!
your choice
***
I am a ""demon in the kitchen"" tonight becvause I have visited a very fine and fancy restastuent with my parents this fine evening, thankyou. -BY THE WAY please dont use my restuaraunt ideas, or else there will be CONSEQUINCES! They're my ideas get yourown you KFC man.-
Yes, I went to a restauruatent, my parents took me along tonight because I have been double good and not made ANYTHING wet this week (a sizeable challange). The restaruatant was in LYGON st and it was an ITALI?AN restaurant, that means that they serve the spicy food of italy and they sometimes have a mousatechehe. We had the SPAGETIE and I had a serve of LASGANGNYA. Very tasty, but a man spilled his water on my elbow while I was eating, oh well, not my fault this time. We ate until there was no more food, and then we had dessert,s.
The dessert for me was an delicious APPEL STRUDEL, and my parents didn tot have dessert becasue they said wataching me eat made them QWEEZY. Well, I was delivered my strudel by a waiter and I bit it large with my mouth and spoon. It tasted DELICOUS I TRIED TO EAT IT FAST to increase the taste of course. While I did this My DAD made a joke and said that because of the way I was eating it it should be called appel RUDE-l not appel strudel,!
After I understood I laughted VERY LOUD and there waqs some strudel that the noise of my laughter knocked out of my throat and it flew in the air onto someone else at an nother near-by table. Well, they complained to the waiter that I ""vomit on them"". My parents ended up paiying for their meal and said sorry, but no more restaruarnats for me for seven months, my dad says.
=-UPDATE-=Today
Hi there, lots of exciting BRETT NEWS for you to understand today, many doings and happenings done by me for you to look up to, and don't you forget it! BECAUSE TODAY I WENT TO THE CITY / SUPERMARKET and thats not for everyday because dad doesn't like to take me along. noramally, I dont go to the shops with him because he says that I get OVERSIMULATED and make things go WRONG and that I wee the chair on the bus because I saw a barking dog out the window once and it scared me. but thats nonesensce on his behalf because today I went with him because my tutor cuoldnt come today because my dad said that SHES SICK OF MY STROPPIES. He says this with his hands wacing in the air and a joke in his mouth no doubts, mate don't you worryy.
So we go to the city in the speeding car alright, and my dad says while we are at the stops, 'DO WHAT I SAY BRETT AND DONT TOUCH ANYTHING and WE CANT BUY ALL THOSE FROZEN FOODS WITH PICTURES ON. OKAY? OK DAD WHATEVER WE ARE GOING SHOPPING ARE WE?
So we are shpong at the safeway in the shops and I get in the cart to ride a bit but it falls onto the side lucky we had just started (hadnot found any food yet) so no mess. People all look and secretly clap while my dad puts the cart back onto its right side. 'dont do that brett' he suggests to me---- SUGGESTION DENIeD i suggest to myself but I dont get back in because he pinches me hard when I try. ""Thats a rude move"" I scream out but he pretends tonnot ear.
We buy the vegtables and FRUITS which roll around in the cart, then we buy some CERAIALS, and some meats, and some dogfood cans, and some eggs and some BUTTER and some milk and buisciots and then a cheese and then some pineabble because I asked polietely.
-- BRETTS HINT = POliteness is a reward in inteslf, try being polite and people will give you pinbeables apleanty.--
As we do the shopping, I see many delicious foods that it wouid be stupid not to buy, look at the pictures mmmmmmmm. When I sneak them into the trolley (MALLTEASERS, FROZEN LASAGNEYA ETCETERA) and my dad finds them, he takes them out and tells me that they are not good healthy food. He obviously doesnt understand science and the way the mouth works, the MOUTH tells the BODY what is delicious and the BODY tells the BRaIN that its healthy so natrualy it is you dont lie to yourself. so I keep putting the good foods with pictures into the shop cart. Then wen he finds the next one he helps me understand that its no good by telling me that it would be MORE HEALTHY to eat the dogfoods than that food. THATS DOGFOOD! he roares every time he finds another one. THATS DOGFOOD! then throws the food away onto a shelve. This helps me to understand, so I stop. Thanks dad for helping everyone to understand, you should all listen to advice, naturally, thats whats its all about.
=-UPDATE-=this is tommorrow, before the real ghostbusters video I'm going to watch when IGON shoots the dynamo with his proton pack and stops the ghosts (ive seen it before its a good one, alright)
Hello again, Brett here. my dad has told me to tell you that you should never use an 'electric knive' (thats what theyre called) for cutting hams unless your not an adult, theyre very dangerous. OK we learnt. dont do it again, I told you so.
=-UPDATE-=this is today, in the daytime
Hi again, how are you, I am brett.
Last week I was in the kitchen when I had an idea occur to me= HAM SANDWICH. Normally I'm not allowed to make my own foods because of what happens, but right then my dad had gone to hire people to fix the living room, so I was Home Alone. I had had to promise dad to stay in the TVroom and watch the real ghostbusters, but I BENT my promise into including the kitchen because I am hungery.
But back to my storey. HAM SANDWICHES are made up of several ingderiants. First, there is the bread, and ham naturally, then there are other things you can put in there that arent in the name. These indgediants are the backup, in case the ham falls out. You can put in beetroot, lettuce, mustarad, tomaoto, anything you want as backups. CHEESE is good, I always tell them to put cheese in too.
Well, we had some ham of course because otherwise I wouldnt be making a ham sandwich. But the ham we had, it was the bad kind of ham thats all together into a big meat, with a bone stuck in it? You have to cut the slice hams off it, its nonsence. I had the bread and cheese (the GOOD kind of cheese that is already sliced and the GOOD kind of bread that is already sliced.) I hit the large ham with my knive, but instead of slicing, a big chunk jumped out. it wasnot suitable for a sandwhich, too LARGE thanks.
""This is a fine disgrace I said", wisely to myself, and got the Electronic meat trimmer that old people use on the turnkeys and the hams at christmas. This is an amanzing science blade that dad never lets me touch. It's is hard to explain over the internet to you, but you know what a chainsaw is (yes you do, theyre in moveis all the time), well this is like a little chainsaw at the size of a knive. It plugs into the electricity faucets in the walls with a wire, and when you turn it on it goes BRRRRR and cuts meats like a HOT KNIVE THROUGH BUTTER! this is what i needed, I was very clever to think of it. I will go and find it later I am too busy updating this now okay.
=-UPDATE-=this is after my meal tonight, before i have to go to sleep(until tomorrow naturally),
Hello again, how are you.
To responce to my parent's pressures I had to make something to explain about what I have been doing. This is what I have been doing on my away from home time. It is called fruit mystery. IT is a flash game. Normally this little beurty would cost you one thousand dollars to play. (REFER TO MY PRICING STRUCURE PLEASE MATE). But because for obvious reasons, you can play it for free for to day only.
goodbye
=-UPDATE-=Just before Television Time.
Hello, BRETT AGAIN.
I am always looking for ways to get money, and becuase I have a natural abilty and a "UNIQUE PERSECTIVE on THINGS EVERY ONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS NORMALL"Y(my dads words), I have lots of luck with the money going into my pockets. For example, I will tell you just one of my money making-schemes. You can learn it for free, I don't need it anymore: THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE IN AN ELEVATOR WITH JUST ONE OTHER PERSON, ASK THEM FOR ALL THEIR CHANGE. It really is 'that easy'. Once a lady gave me seven dollars in one dollar and two dollar coins, all golden. I was glowing like a rich man in a suit when I got off at the seventh floor. Okay, now you know, but don't excecute my scheme too much or my dad won't let you go places by yourself anymore.
=-UPDATE-=Tuesday
HI TOM RITCHIE! SORRY but my dad says that youre a bad influence on me so I can't set paint of fire with you any more. Maybe we can watch a television show and tell people about it at the train station? I don't know.
OKAY BYE.
=-UPDATE-=weekend
Hello, old friend. Brett here.
I remember my weekend well, thanks. I didn't update any of my pages, because I was doing other things allright? I went on some trips to the ZOO. I went there on my own once because my teacher went to the toilet andshe couldn't take me into the WOMANS toilets for blatant reasons (I AM BRETT GRAHAM). I left the toilet area when she was busy with the toilets because I had things to do, I had a full day and did meet many animals and fun. After I got brought home again to my dad he was a bit angrey. I had to eat the cerals instead of a dinner. NOT BAD though, I put lots of sugar on them and they were quite tastey. Too bad for you, That's my secret recipe and so please don't use it.
Bye,
From Brett.
=-UPDATE-=last wednesdy,
Oh hi mate what do you do today? You watched television football and ate souvlakis didn't you. What did I do? I MADE A WEB PAGE OBVIOUSLY YOUR READING IT. It took me theee months...This is my job now, I have only been in the computer buisness a week and already I have a man hire me to make a big internet webpage for a man who rode his car off a house and died. (The man who is hiring me isn't that dead man, he is the friend of the man who rode his car off a roof (a dangerous profession), I think he must have been extreme.)). My dad gave me this job, he got it off the man in the internet. it will pay me one hundred dollars (very reasonable sum,) You Will Notice that I am a professional web desiner, so don't email me anymore thanks, I'm too busy. My dad also hired me to make this web page for myeslf, so I have a good repeat customer in him. That is two hundred all up I'm afraid, and now my dad will have to buy me what I want when I want.
IN PERSONAL NEWS I HAD SOME RED ITCHES ON MY ZONE.